My name is Kay (she/they). Last year I discovered I was non binary, and living with endometriosis and adult ADHD. For so long without being aware of it, I let my pain, mood/headspace, fears, and insecurities get in the way of a lot of amazing opportunities and experiences in my life. I made a promise to myself that I would no longer make excuses for not living my life to the fullest.
Christmas last year was a rough day. I’m not gonna lie, I cried pretty much that whole night. In the days leading up to it, my ADHD was at its worst – having a lot of brain fog and impulsive behaviors and mood swings, not having a job since April (covid), and knowing I’d have to find my own place and manage life on my own was eating at me like crazy. I was way too in my head. I was thinking of non stop ‘what if’s’ and creating situations that didn’t even exist in my head which lead to a huge panic attack. While this was happening I thought to myself, “why does your mind wander more than you do” and everything just came to a screeching halt.
WHY DOES MY MIND WANDER MORE THAN I DO?
Here I was sitting in my bedroom, creating all these made up stories in my head about what could be happening and what could happen in my life, meanwhile, I’m doing nothing. How are my thoughts more active than me when my brain can’t move out of my head? What else was I holding myself back from? I thought this over and began to write down a list of all the things I could be doing instead of feeling sorry for myself and creating nonsense in my head. The list was long. It included daily tasks like working out and doing laundry and a long list of all the activities I’ve always wanted to do but never did because I was to self conscious and afraid that I’d fail or be judged for it.
I spent the last few days of 2020 organizing my life and planning ways to encourage myself to get out of my head and wander elsewhere. I created a YouTube channel to upload videos of my adventures and also share my journey with ADHD and my newly diagnosed endometriosis journey. So far, though I’ve had my moments here and there, I have been pretty consistent with this. Life is a lot easier to manage and I feel much more confident within myself. The daily battle between staying positive and the symptoms and mental unclarity continue, but I know I am a warrior and I can conquer anything.
Wander Warrior is my journey navigating life as a non-binary with adult ADHD and Endometriosis through adventure, fitness, and connection. You can follow my journey on Instagram @WanderWarriorTV and YouTube.
Forever grateful for the Only Human community, the people around me, and this life.
-K
