The days have gone by mostly one by one as well as in blurred clumps. I feel each one as if they are a brand new hair follicle ripping through a new section of epidermis. Time has stood rapidly still. A roundabout with multiple exits all leading back to the same starting point. A center that appears to no longer belong to me. When I opened the forever sealed doors last year it was as if I embodied Dorothy falling from a twister landing in a black & white Oz. Colors seem so far out of reach they fall through my fingers like tears from a chorus of weeping angels. I choke on the knowing my own morality is only a swallow away. The ease of ending this pain filled love affair seduces every wound with the promise of a torture free lullaby.
Then the internal alarm sounds piercing the veil forcing me to arise from the alternate sense of freedom to the reality of now. Grabbing hold of the truth there is no clarity for anyone aside from the view of today. Once again I practice hanging up my cape while embracing the courage of my own humanity. I breathe, persevere, & agree with the universe I have permission to let go. Understanding there is no free ride for those of us who are awake. We are asked to pay our dues to travel on the path of knowing. I toss out the mental map to invite my heart to guide me. The music plays on as I continue to dance with trust, accountability, love, and forgiveness.
